November 15, 2006

The future of social networking

I've been reflecting on online social networking after reading this article. They tell us that young people are "more wired than ever - but they're also getting warier" of tech tools.

They report that more and more people prefer a face-to-face interaction to many of the popular social networking websites that have been getting so much press lately, i.e. Facebook or MySpace. Having just returned home from a wonderfully warm weekend out of town, I'd like to think that they are right, that the warmth of human interaction will prevail over the convenience of the keyboard. But I have a couple of bones to pick with this article...

1) Online social networking is getting younger every day. The article reports that 89% of students at a California public school have cell phones, and some 81% of them are on MySpace. That's huge! That means that if you're not using high speed internet at home you're probably considered somewhat outcast from the normal flow of high school. The reason I point this out is the article quotes several well-spoken graduate students, mid to late twenties, about how online networking sites just don't have as much apppeal for them anymore. I suspect they are outgrowing these sites, and more importantly that these sites are re-packaging and re-marketing themselves for a younger and younger crowd. We've seen it with teenie bopper movie marketing, no surprises here.

2) The more social networking sites there are, the less powerful they become individually. This is how social networking on the Web relates back to Getting Things Done. The more social networking sites you engage with, the more Inboxes you have. Sign up for another site = create another bucket that you'll have to collect, process and organize into a trusted system before you can effectively do and review the items. I think this is one of the least-talked-about dangers of lots of online resources that are popping up today. All of these new tools and sites are designed for convenience- convenient socializing in particular. But convenience gets left in the dust as we accumulate more tools, more gadgets, more sites, more inboxes. So perhaps the deeper issue this article taps into is that we are coming back into an Age of Consolidation. I'll be swapping my Palm and LG cellphone for a Treo soon to prove my commitment to minimalism.

Ok, bones picked. What I most liked about the article was this quote from a 19 year-old Florida student with a great insight about his own generation (hey, it's not easy to come up with objective criticism of your own kind). He reflects on how young people are now using text messaging to avoid uncomfortable social situations, like cancelling a date. "Text messaging has become the easy way out... Our generation needs to get over this fear of confrontation and rejection." Now we have even more options for breaking and/or renegotiating our agreements in an instant, less-human, less-emotional way. A good thing or a bad thing? You tell me...

Posted by Lisa at 09:23 AM | Comments (8)

September 10, 2006

Women Don't Ask

So this new endeavor requires a little introduction: In an effort to get myself to read more, and to have a little intellectual fun with the books I do read, I'll be posting about some of the books I read. Feel free to gush, critique, or recommend in this space. End of orientation.

I just finished reading Women Don't Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide by Linda Babcock and Sara Lachever. I recommend this book as an excellent introductory text for women and men interested in a prevailing gender stereotype that affects all of us in the corporate culture (read: world in general). What makes it an excellent first read is that it covers such a broad range of research of sex & gender, and it will educate you on much more than just negotiation tactics. At the root, it is a positive and hopeful narrative of what scientists know so far about gender differences and similarities (I was taught to include similarities here to avoid trying to polarize men and women as being "the opposite sex"). Through this narrative, we see some important ways in which both men and women can do more to bring forward their strengths in the delicate area of negotiation by overcoming some of the tendencies we have to only utilize feminine or masculine traits and behaviors in the workplace.

Having spent some time studying and researching gender issues, here is the new layer of insight I got out of this read:

What are the strengths that men and women tend to ignore in themselves in the workplace? How do we limit ourselves based on gender, and end up with a self-fulfilling prophecy? What are the ways in which we limit ourselves on an individual basis in relation to one of the many sociological groups (gender) we all belong to?

Negotiation & Getting Things Done- yes there is a strong relationship here!

The process of GTD is one of self-organizing and having faith in our decision making ability. This research shows that men are vastly more likely to negotiate and have confidence in their own assessments and in their ability to act as "agents". Not too surprising given the history of the division of labor by gender, but it has some interesting implications for teaching GTD to women and to men.

The research implies that in some ways the decision making component of GTD may seem more natural to men. Or at the very least, I would argue that there is some component of GTD that supports and teaches behaviors that, in the past, men have excelled at: clarifying what you want, asking for it, and constantly negotiating with oneself and with others to achieve the desired outcome. These are powerful behaviors, and I'm thrilled to see a book that encourages women to get equally gutsy in the workplace, particularly since "asking for what you want" seems to be a handicap for many people, and something I see as a barrier to open communication.

On the other hand, several components of GTD tend to support more of our society's feminine ideal: the perception that women should be "in control" of their domestic sphere, for instance, and the increasing problem amongst working women to create a healthy work/life balance, which is something GTD can readily address. This books gives a decent introduction to the concept of the "double bind" - what many modern women are experiencing as they take on the vast majority of domestic work in addition to out-of-the-home careers, and childrearing. The term "double-bind" to me describes the internal sense that many women have (myself included at times) that they should be responsible for a tremendous, and frankly unfair, share of the family responsibilities. There is an upside to the double bind, research also shows that women who have a broad range of roles draw their self esteem from many sources. This is the "I am a mother, colleague, employee, wife, sister, and friend" mentality which can have better psychological benefits than the mindset many American men are falling into today: "I am the breadwinner, end of story." In such a magnificent changing and globalizing society, it is becoming more and more important to have healthy and robust ways of self-identifying. Breadwinner just doesn't cut it anymore, not for any gender.

This book at 50,000 feet: In looking at any intellectual argument, it's important that the authors have considered both pros and cons in analyzing "the way things are". What makes this book convincing is that the authors are quite forthright about wanting to make a worldwide positive change through greater awareness of how we are currently operating. To me that is the very attitude that supports my work with Getting Things Done. Once your purpose is clear, the only improvement you can make is to become more efficient. This body of research suggests that many women are clear in what they want, but could use more effective and more explicit means of negotiation to get there.

So should you take to heart the goal of becoming a better negotiator, believing in the natural abundance and prosperity of life, trusting that negotiation does not mean taking away, but instead means contributing your unique gifts to find a mutually beneficial outcome, I nudge you in the direction of this book!

Posted by Lisa at 09:12 PM

July 30, 2006

Re-entry

I am just settling back into my regular life after 6 profound days of learning at USM. I'm happy to say I've completed the first year of my Masters, including the year-end lab. For me the lab was an incredible experience. I got to witness how far my classmates and I have come in terms of our counseling skills. It's becoming much more natural to sit back as the counselor, trusting that the client has all the resources necessary to shift into greater awareness and more effective ways of relating to themselves and the world. Because of this increasing trust and the remarkable skills they teach at USM, it's now a complete pleasure to watch my entire class unfolding as we move through diverse journeys. I have had such wonderful opportunities to see our faculty in action; its such an inspiration to see great counselors at work and absorb their techniques. After experiencing such a nurturing and educational environment, it's a transition to be back at home.

I had no idea going into this program that my class as a whole would reach this depth of learning and loving. I feel such an incredible support coming from my class and the University as a whole, it really seems to be a forum for individuals to sky-rocket into their dreams. Every month we hear more and more success stories from people who are "going for it" out there in the world. The remarkable thing is that we now have this incredible platform of trust and a whole skill set as we enter the second year of the program, which I hear is wonderful and also very intense. After a lab like that, I couldn't wait to sign up for more. More thoughts to come as I go through this program.

Posted by Lisa at 06:19 PM | Comments (1)

April 19, 2006

Yoga for migraine

I just had my first appointment at the Keeler Center for the Study of Headache where I'll be a patient of Dr. Robert Cowan and am excited to learn more from these top-of-notch researchers about how to manage, and hopefully eliminate, my migraines.

I already enjoyed the benefits of a yoga session specially designed for migraine-sufferers (what a pity-inducing terminology they use for us!). Our instructor, Veronica Lee, did a fantastic job of easing us into a relaxed place, and I had an experience of being more present with my body, instead of my thoughts, than I have in a long time. It seems like this kind of relaxed focus on each particular pose, each particular stretching sensation could be especially beneficial for people with migraines, who in my experience are often somewhat disconnected from their bodies or symptoms.

After the session I couldn't help but think to myself, "Is this what having nothing on your mind really feels like?" I had a renewed sense of joy and excitement about life, and yet there were almost no thoughts crossing my mind. The only thought I kept having was, "What next?"

I have always been a big believer that physiological and psychological issues are highly interconnected and mutually influential. So perhaps I have found a golden formula, for myself at least, in achieving relaxed focus:

Yoga + GTD = Mind Like Water

Rachelle would be proud.

Posted by Lisa at 09:53 AM | Comments (3)

April 16, 2006

Natives & immigrants in a changing world

My how the times have changed... I was just reflecting over Easter breakfast with my family and friends about new technologies. My mother recently purchased the MacBook Pro with an Intel chip inside, and though she's the least tech-savvy in the family, she arguably has the best machine.

One of the features she wasn't quite sure she would use is the built in webcam. As I listened to her chatting about it, I was struck that her idea of how to make use of it was vastly different from my own. This is because, as someone recently informed me, I am a native to technology and she is an immigrant. There's an interesting article about this native-immigrant distinction here.

Her thought was that her webcam could only be useful for taking pictures of young children to share with family members in distant locations. For her, it was a tool for connecting about the real, the now, for bridging distances.

My mind jumped to web-culture specific memes, like this. I would use my new webcam to do something creative or expressive, then share it on the web. To a native, we see a new toy and think, "What kinds of interesting and creative activities can I invent in order to interact with my new tool?"

My mother wisely pointed out that this kind of perceptual shift has been going on for many years, long before recent technology ever involved a microchip. Her analogy was that when painting was originally developed, we used it to capture portraits of real life, to record history, and to preserve the moment. Then once photography came on the scene, painting became outdated for those purposes, and it took on a whole new life. She cited Picasso as an obvious example of someone who painted for a very different motive than to capture the visual realities of life. Instead, Pablo captured the realities of life, but through a distinctly new and creative lens.

All of these ruminations about the quickly changing world seem especially appropriate given what I came across in my morning reading of Soft Hay Will Catch You, a lovely collection of children's poems gathered by my friend Sandy Lyne. In his introduction he begins, "My parents were part of that remarkable generation who went from the horse and buggy to the walk on the moon, embracing more change than any generation in history knew." A very eloquent way, I think, of describing how the learning curve of life took a dramatic leap around that time.

All this leaves me to wonder about the changes that will inevitably appear in the lives of my future children. I'm slightly horrified to wonder-- what kind of music will they listen to? Perhaps more importantly, with what technology will they be natives, and I the immigrant? I spend a fair amount of my time "translating" for the brave immigrants in my life, but surely this will not always be the case. Something worth pondering...

Posted by Lisa at 12:35 PM