Help needed!

[Soland]

I need your assistance. When I come home after work I go straight to have my dinner. When eating I watch TV. And that's like a drug because I can't stop watching. My action list for home tasks doesn't attract me. I have no active hobbies because I don't like any of what I know. What's wrong with me? I want to be seen active by my kids. Please help!

[Jamie Elis]

or hide the cord from yourself in a place you don't feel like looking for it.

Make breaking this terrible habit and building in something else a project!


Make a list of all the reasons you do not want to watch TV and all the reasons you want to do alternatives and read the list every time you do something that your are going to do anyway (like drink a glass of water, eat, etc.).

Maybe your sleep is poor or insufficient and you are too tired to do anything.

Put the stuff you need for the alternative activities in a visible place and start talking about the activities with your kids. The excitement will build and pretty soon they will pull you into the activities.

If your kids are of an age when they will do things with you, you know that does not last forever and they will remember, with great joy, the fun you have together, playing tag, playing ball, whatever.

Try to do one new thing a week until you find something you enjoy and remember that it can be helping others such as tutoring, visiting a shut in, being a volunteer assistant with anything.

[Duckienz]

Giving up television was the best thing I could have ever done. I suggest you sell or donate your TV and then it wont be in the house to watch. We physically still have a TV set so that we can watch movies but we have no reception. Cut the cable that gives you reception perhaps.

If you don't want to be so drastic, I suggest you eat dinner at the dining room table with no tv on. It is great to have that family time and speak about all your days. Unless you're divorced and don't live with your children? Then perhaps you could be using the television as a substitute for your loss. Then I would suggest investigating clubs and classes. They're not as intense as hobbies and you often don't need to buy any/many supplies. Take a cooking class once a week or learn another language. I would suggest you do it with other people though so that you're accountable. Trying a large range of different activities will help you find what you're passionate about.

Good luck sweetheart. It can be a hard road but it is worth it!!!
Allie

[Soland]

Thanks for your help! It's really cool! I'm ready to donate my TV. Then I would be doing...doing what? I don't have any alternative. It was a great idea to go for different classes but I leave 30km away from the city and it makes it hard (1 hour drive one way). What hobbies do you have that I could use as alternative to the TV?

[Suelin23]

Seriously?!!! Donate the TV!!!!
My family would have a mutiny!
I have a weeknight checklist, and I tend to multitask TV with other activities that don't use a lot of brainpower, eg doing dishes, folding the washing, ironing, etc. I have a crosstrainer setup in front of the TV so I can exercise and do TV as well.
I don't watch TV all night, because there's tasks that really aren't TV compatible, and need proper focus, like helping my son with his homework.
If it were up to me I would turn off the TV except for maybe an hour a night but my husband wouldn't like that.
Try doing things with your kids, plan some routine activities or projects you can do with them.

[Duckienz]

I, too, live an hour away from a city! I commit to one class a week then take a bit of time off. That way I am not driving in every single week.

What I would suggest is learning something that you can then practise on your own during the week. What sort of things are you into currently?

[Soland]

Though I can have plenty of time I'm not into anything currently... I can't think of anything that would make me say 'wow'. That is the problem. I think there would be no TV should I have some sort of a hobby or activity I'm interested in... And I don't have any activities for my family time so this time turns into TV watching as well.

[Cpu_Modern]

Seriously?!!! Donate the TV!!!!

I can only emphasize this. I was raised without TV in the house and while I owned several TVs during my lifetime I mostly did without. From my perspective the not so good results of TV imprignation on humans is very apparent. There are people (from all social classes) you just notice they were raised by the TV, they have the odor of the sisters of Homer Simpson and this is sad in many ways, IMO at least.

I believe the youtubish modell of constantly choosing what to watch next is a much more healthy way to do TV.

Also people complain about bad sleep patterns while watching hours of TV, which means "living" through hours of traumatic experiences (somebody gets killed by a zombie 'shock' , congress can't decide 'fear for job') without having time to process mentally and process emotionally. No wonder you can't sleep.



I leave 30km away from the city

You live between the wonders of nature? Beautiful! In my eyes you already won have of life. (I have the noise of a highway and construction works in the background, that sucks.)

What about:

a garden full of roses
have small cattle
build a workshop or amusement park for city dwellers
brew your own beer or vodka
build a soccer field and organize tournaments
build tools for farmers
raise rabbits and other stuff for a restaurant in the city
make a radio station/podcast for your local community
pottery, don't forget pottery!
build a museum
make short movies on animals and put them on YouTube
go to city hall and help out, get into local politics for fun
help kids from troubled families with homework
help people who help other people
organize a rallye for a car club
write a blog about finding your passion in life
just ask your kids
what about coaching kids in some sport? most coaches throw bad tempers to the kids which is bad, maybe you have potential to do it better/relaxed?
play boardgames with kids and others, see boardgamegeek.com for good choices
invent a new religion
build furniture
make comedy about a guy who doesn't know what to do
call people you did bad things to in the past and apologize, see where this goes
paintings, paintings, paintings

[Soland]

Good ideas! Though I'm still not inspired :)

[Oogiem]

Put the TV on a system with an exercise bike so you have to bike to make the electricity to watch it. At least you'll get moving and that is also self limiting in how much you watch.

I can't really fathom not being interested in anything other than TV though!

For me the issue is I'm interested in way too many things, here's a sampling of things I do just from my current projects list

weaving, spinning, knitting, scrapbooks, photography, genealogy research, historical research, reading novels, writing novels, genetics research, naalbinding, sewing historical clothing, sewing modern clothing, leather working, target shooting, museum cataloging, weight lifting and yoga.

And if I include the things on my someday/maybe list you can add

learn calligraphy, learn how to bind books, learn to speak Welsh fluently, hike to the top of a fourteener, board member of several associations I care about, learn proper knife skills, learn more charceuterie (sp?), draw cartoons, learn needlepoint, learn simple woodworking, pen & ink drawing, learn to shoot skeet, clean my fossil collection for museum style display, write a screenplay, weaving clothing fabric then sewing the clothing, quilting, write an app for farm data collection for mobile computers, convert our old vinyl records to digital files, digitize historical photos, do more puzzles, build a solar oven, and so on.

There are thousands of fun and interesting things to do so start looking at something and find one that you can try instead of TV!

I'd make a point of trying to do one thing new each week or at least month until you find something that appeals to you to do more than one of.

[Duckienz]

Would you share with us some of your personal info? I am not trying to be nosy, I think that it could help.

For example, what is your marital status and how old are your children?
How is your GTD system working for you?

I am probably not the best example of someone who is excellent with GTD. I have a chronic fatigue type situation and doing a lot is difficult. This is why I ask how yours is going. I see that you're a newbie to this forum, are you also a GTD newbie?
Are you truly not that interested in things or are you overwhelmed?
I have been 'into' GTD for over a year now and I still don't have a functioning system up and running. I have been especially out of the loop the last three months due to injuries. I have a thing of only doing one thing per day and that is helping.
If you're overwhelmed then sometimes the easiest thing to do is ignore everything and watch tv. I often do this with movies or craft clips when I am sore and overwhelmed.
Just doing one thing a day has helped me move forward significantly yet I don't have as much pressure on me. GTD also made me aware that I was bringing too much into my life so I have downsized my commitments and that has brought a lot of relief.

The other thing to consider is depression. What do you eat for dinner each night? Are you eating well or just whatever you can find? Healthy 'clean' food with help you feel better and have more energy. When I gave up wheat and dairy I finally had a brain that could think clearly! When I did an allergy test I was allergic to these and a few other things. Perhaps doing an online nutrition course? Incluse your children in meal prep if they're old enough.

How is your house? If things are out of control, messy, cluttered etc then the first project I would suggest is flylady.net. Go there, have a poke around and see if anything grabs you. She has a fantastic website that helps you learn skills that will help you in all areas of life. She breaks people into two categories - those who get sidetracked and those who were born organised. I am one who gets sidetracked lol.

So I hope that helped some. Please if you can, answer my questions. If you feel uncomfortable answering here then feel free to private message me. I have a passion for helping people live their best lives and I have pulled myself out of a tv watching funk already so I may have some wisdom or inspire in some way.

Allie x

[Barb]

Perhaps you just come home from work and you're tired and tv is mindless so you gravitate toward that. Or you are a little bored and tv is just interesting to you. The reasons why you may do it only you know. But I do think that feeling you want to be seen as more active by your children isn't likely to get you to change much of anything.

So if you were to dream up a different life for yourself, would that new life include watching tv? If you honestly love it that much, don't "should" all over yourself...just enjoy it and quit feeling guilty about it. Now if, on the other hand, you truly would like to be more "active", then make an adult decision and figure out what "more active" would look like to you. Brainstorm some ideas...maybe get the kids involved. But you're getting something out of watching tv or you wouldn't be doing it.

[yoboy]

I think you should slowly limit your self on watching TV. Try not to watch while eating then start to do your task at home. It is a matter of self discipline and get motivated with your kids. That you should do yo priorities first for them.

[enyonam]

Search the internet - there are TONS of hobby lists out there.

what inspires you?
what do you end up watching on TV ... maybe there's a hobby idea in there.
maybe it's time just to pick an activity with your kids that they enjoy and do that instead.

start slow, just do that activity one day a week. you can even watch TV the other days instead of going cold turkey.

if you're so used to watching TV you may just have to get started on an activity and try it for a while before you start getting inspired. give new things a chance. i'm sure you'll at the very least find out find out quickly what you don't like.


Good ideas! Though I'm still not inspired :)

[TesTeq]

In my opinion advertisements are the best part of TV. The program itself is just an annoying break between ads.

[BjornLjunggren]

My suggestion is:
1. Buy a new TV that you can connect to your computer
2. Don't hook up your TV box to your new screen

So now the choice is yours, you can watch whatever YOU want and not what is scheduled programming. It's all on the internet anway.

Life is good :D

[Soland]

Duckienz, I'm ready to share the information.


Would you share with us some of your personal info? I am not trying to be nosy, I think that it could help.

For example, what is your marital status and how old are your children?
How is your GTD system working for you?

I'm married. Have a wife and a daughter (8 yo).


The other thing to consider is depression. What do you eat for dinner each night? Are you eating well or just whatever you can find? Healthy 'clean' food with help you feel better and have more energy. When I gave up wheat and dairy I finally had a brain that could think clearly! When I did an allergy test I was allergic to these and a few other things. Perhaps doing an online nutrition course? Incluse your children in meal prep if they're old enough.

I eat healthy everyday. Way too healthy :) My cook at home prepares different meals daily so it's not only healthy but very tasty as well.


How is your house? If things are out of control, messy, cluttered etc then the first project I would suggest is flylady.net. Go there, have a poke around and see if anything grabs you. She has a fantastic website that helps you learn skills that will help you in all areas of life. She breaks people into two categories - those who get sidetracked and those who were born organised. I am one who gets sidetracked lol.

I have a lady who looks after our house: cleans, washes etc. I don't have to do anything in regards to that. My time could be devoted to whatever I like. My time at home is free of any housework.

[Soland]

Perhaps you just come home from work and you're tired and tv is mindless so you gravitate toward that. Or you are a little bored and tv is just interesting to you. The reasons why you may do it only you know. But I do think that feeling you want to be seen as more active by your children isn't likely to get you to change much of anything.

So if you were to dream up a different life for yourself, would that new life include watching tv? If you honestly love it that much, don't "should" all over yourself...just enjoy it and quit feeling guilty about it. Now if, on the other hand, you truly would like to be more "active", then make an adult decision and figure out what "more active" would look like to you. Brainstorm some ideas...maybe get the kids involved. But you're getting something out of watching tv or you wouldn't be doing it.

Barb, sure I come home tired as all of us. And I have to make a decision to be active at home instead of sitting hours in front of TV screen. I know I can be active and live without it. When we go for a vacation I don't have time for TV there. We swim, play, learn, whatever but no TV. And I feel happy. Unfortunately we don't have a sea where we live. I'd like to have a passion I can share with my small one.

[ccoleman99]

I don't watch any tv at this point in my life, but I think I can relate to what you're facing. The reason nothing else seems interesting is because you're not doing any of those things, so you don't realize how interesting they could be. Here's my suggestion:

1. Decide that you will not watch tv.
2. If you cannot think of anything else to do, then do nothing at all.
3. No matter how bored you feel, do not watch tv.
4. Eventually, you will decide to do something else to escape the boredom.
5. You will then discover that doing those other things is more interesting than you thought it would be.

The key step is number 3. Accept the fact that you will have to go through an unpleasant period of time when you'll be faced with having time on your hands with nothing to do that seems worthwhile. Once you've lived through it, you'll be glad you did.

[Jamie Elis]

You said the key thing yourself that lets you be the person you really want to be, access to a a sea. Can you make a three year or five year plan to move where there is a sea you can play in everyday or at least on the days off? Even if you ended up in a remote fishing village, if you could frolic in the ocean after work, you might be happy. MAYBE YOU NEED A JOB THAT INVOLVES THE OCEAN! Some people are just more influenced in their happiness and productivity by where they live than others. I cannot imagine certain kinds of writers. like Jimmy Breslin or Norman Mailer being happy living in a small cornfield-surrounded town that has no library, no movie house. Would a happy and successful crop farmer who loves to hunt and fish be happy in Manhattan? So my advice is that you dump that telly-time for time to make an action plan to get yourself to the place that makes you happy. I met a cab driver in Miami who gave up a football scholarship at a very decent mid-western university after he went to Florida on a spring break with his friends and fell in love with sunshine and palms trees. He went back to school to finish out his year's obligation, took the first job he could that he thought he could withstand. Five years later, he is perfectly happy to live "small" . He life long goal is to own a cab and concierge company exactly where he is living now. So he drives his cab, goes to business classes, and is looking for a job to manage something to get more experience. He did have youth on his side and no kids or spouse. But, sometimes, having those responsibilities can make a person plan more carefully. I have a friend whose promotion to a more demanding and better paying job made her husband think through his work--he sold his small business to an employee and is a stay at home Dad with a weekend handyman business on the side. He and the whole family are really happy.

[Suelin23]

I have a 9 year old son. Monday nights we all go swimming - my son does learn to swim classes, my husband hydrotherapy and I do laps. But before my son's class we have a fun casual swim together. During the weeknights I help him with his homework, and also try to fit in some time to read books together. On the weekends we do outings together and play Xbox games (Kinect is great family fun), and play on the trampoline and in the garden.
My husband found a hobby to do with him - making model cars, and they also play Xbox games together. I also encourage my son to draw and do artwork, and my son also does music practice each night, although it's normally my husband that sits with him for that.

[Soland]

Everything you suggest sounds great & inspiring! Please keep going with your advices and showing the way you live your life!

I just switch off the TV as suggested. I understood that I'm not that bad because I read to my daughter daily and spent weekends with her. The only thing I need is a hobby that would come as an exchange of the lack of TV. I hope.

[TesTeq]

The only thing I need is a hobby that would come as an exchange of the lack of TV. I hope.

Start running with a goal to run 5K race, then 10K race, then half marathon and then full marathon. You'll like it!

GMD - Getting Marathon Done (http://www.davidco.com/forum/showthread.php?12870-GMD-Getting-Marathon-Done!&p=92071#post92071)!

[alexdrum111]

Make a list of all the reasons you do not want to watch TV and all the reasons you want to do alternatives and read the list every time you do something that your are going to do anyway (like drink a glass of water, eat, etc.).

[mattsykes]

I would suggest you start small.

To begin with, on your way home, plan 1 or 2 actions that you're going to do that evening. They don't have to be big - indeed, try and make them small so you get momentum. Then do them before you have dinner.

After a week, then, add on having dinner at the table instead of infront of the TV. You can watch TV after dinner.

After a week, have one or two more items planned on your way home, and do 2 before dinner, 2 after dinner.

You can then grow from there how you want.

TV isn't a terrible thing, but yes you should break the habit - get in your headspace how you would feel about your homelife if in 5 years you look back and see a whole lot of sitting on the couch, watching TV.

[Myriam]

I would suggest you start small.



Start with one day a week... make monday (or whatever day is more convenient) "no TV day" and start from there.

You might then also start to have a context "@no tv day" for things that come your way during the week and of which you think "hey, I might do this on monday" (could be whatever small thing as Mattsykes points out: "I need to call Mom" would be a good one in GTD terms :D) ... soon your monday will be full, and then you can add a day. Or not, if you're happy like that!

Myriam

ps: I know, @notvday is not really a context, but during the project of building this new habbit, it can temporary very well serve as one

[cwoodgold]

You don't have to feel inspired. David Burns says you can do things even if
you don't feel like doing them, and after you start doing them then you'll
likely start enjoying them.

You can cut back gradually on the TV (if you don't donate it). How do you
manage to turn it off at bedtime now? You can shift that gradually and with
difficulty to earlier times. You can delay the beginning of TV-watching each day,
maybe starting with 2 minutes of just eating dinner before turning on the TV.
And/or you can keep the TV off say one day a week, and later increase to more days.

You can do stuff to improve your health, and then you'll have more energy
to turn off the TV. I find that blood sugar level is important. When you're
about to eat dinner, you may have low blood sugar and then it's harder to
get up the mental energy to say no to TV (though you can still say no anyway).
Having a good balance of protein, fat and carbohydrates at both breakfast and lunch
can help; the protein and fat (oil) give longer-lasting energy.
If necessary, a snack mid-afternoon or on the way home from work may help.
You can exercise, e.g. get off a bus at a different stop and walk or run home,
or run around the block (or in the forest or whatever you have)
after getting home but before entering the house, etc. That will help you
feel more energetic.

Before turning on the TV, you can set two alarms, one for the time
you want to turn off the TV, and one for maybe 5 minutes earlier.
Put both alarms far enough away that you have to get up and walk
out of sight of the TV to turn them off. You can have a rule that
you have to turn off the TV before walking over to turn off the
second alarm.

You can do activities that other people enjoy, even if you don't enjoy
them, and after you've cut back on the TV likely you'll gradually start
enjoying them and eventually wonder why you were wasting all that
time on TV.

Family activities: get some board games and invite family members to
play. You could start by doing it regularly once a week. Even if they
don't want to, you could tell them you all ought to have more family
time and try to get them to do it anyway. If you try out different
games you and they may start liking some of them. Get a deck of cards and
there are lots of games you and your family can learn to play and
maybe discover you like some of them. Get a ball and play throw
and catch. I used to have loads of fun playing a version of
monkey-in-the-middle. Or think of useful or educational things
to do. Or go for a walk with a family member.

Get more sleep, and everything will get easier and more attractive.

These days I do Sudoku, probably spending more time on it than I should.
I sing in a choir. I play games with my family occasionally.
I solve French-language crossword puzzles. I read library books.
We grew a few vegetables in our garden. Etc.

[cwoodgold]

Games my family has enjoyed playing together include Cribbage, Rummy,
Clue, Upwords, and Bananagrams. For around age 8 maybe card games Crazy 8's,
"Cheat", and Hearts. There's also Fish, and a memory game where you have
to find pairs of cards.

Congratulations on switching off the TV!

I suggest avoiding eating and watching TV at the same time. Eating while
doing something gives your subconscious a signal that the activity is
rewarding and conditions you to want to do it more.

TV is a supranormal stimulus, like baby bottles instead of breastfeeding.
It shows such rapid and intense emotions and violence that your
brain homeostatically adjusts and tones down your reactions, and maybe then
you don't react much to real life either.
But after cutting back on TV gradually you can start noticing that
you're enjoying things.

Jamie has a great idea: move to the sea! Or if that seems too big for now,
maybe you can put a large or medium-sized swimming-pool in your yard,
and/or go regularly to a public swimming pool with your daughter.
When I was a kid we had a round above-ground swimming pool
about 12 feet across and usually a foot or so deep, and I had a lot
of fun in it. Sometimes we made the water go around and around,
and my favourite was making a "wave", where the water alternately
came up in the middle of the pool and sloshed out to the sides.

You could build swings and playstructures and a treehouse in your
yard for your daughter and her friends to play on.

Think about what you like about vacations, and try to arrange your
life so that your evenings and weekends are like that. Each day is
a unique day in your life to be enjoyed.

You can find out what activities for kids are available in your region, and
take your daughter there. Museums; art galleries; circuses; indoor or outdoor
parks with complicated playstructures to climb on; clubs
or communities that hold picnics, sports, playgroups, festivals,
parades, theatre for children, etc.
Some of those things could be fun for you too, or you can enjoy
letting your daughter have fun. You can do a variety of things on different days.

Ah, 8 years old: that's a great age to read aloud funny books by Gordon Korman
e.g. "This Can't be Happening at MacDonald Hall!", "No Coins Please",
"Why did the Underwear Cross the Road?", etc.
They're really funny. I really enjoyed reading them to my kids;
I laughed with them. Harry Potter is good too.

How far is it from where you live to the nearest wave pool?

[cwoodgold]

You might like the book "You Don't Have to Go Home from Work Exhausted"
by Anne McGee-Cooper. I really liked "Time Management for Unmanageable
People" by the same author.

I also do Pilates, Tai Chi and Contra Dancing. You need exercise; it makes you
feel better mentally as well as physically. You could get a dog -- I just saw
a headline that says dog owners stay active; and training it could be a hobby.

I do a bit of art occasionally. I greatly improved my drawing skills using the
book "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" and occasionally do line drawings
of flowers and colour them with water-colour paints.

You could give your daughter games for Christmas and then play them with her
throughout the year. For that age I recommend The Amazing Labyrinth and
The Enchanted Forest, both games by Ravensburger. Kerplunk could be fun too,
or marbles, or Chinese Checkers. Maybe some co-operative games from
Family Pastimes. Maybe classic games chess, checkers, go and backgammon,
but let her win sometimes (you could take a handicap).

[Cpu_Modern]

You could give your daughter games for Christmas and then play them with her
throughout the year. For that age I recommend The Amazing Labyrinth and
The Enchanted Forest, both games by Ravensburger.
I second this. I played both games in that age and loved them both. Good stuff.


Kerplunk could be fun too, or marbles, or Chinese Checkers. Maybe some co-operative games from Family Pastimes. Maybe classic games chess, checkers, go and backgammon, but let her win sometimes (you could take a handicap).
For that role I suggest trying out Settlers of Catan.

[cwoodgold]

You can do something that makes a difference: get involved in a political party, environmental group or community association, start an educational club, sign up for volunteer work etc. What do you want to be different about the world, your region or your neighbourhood? Imagine digging a canal and having the sea pour in ...