View Full Version : How to deal with people against GTD
08-01-2004, 04:40 PM
Dear people, I decided to write in here to ask for help.
After write in my journal for more than an hour about my problems, and start my problems in place and discover they where in other, I decided to call for HELP.
I have been doing GTD for a little now, recently I got GTD Fast and that create a crisis in my system (By the way is excellent, but show me that my system has many issues, that are getting in control now). After get in big crisis about my system, get one of the best weekly review ever, and be really proud I get into a lot of stress, I was thinking was because of the system, because I discover my processing phase was not so good, but after write in my journal I discover the issue was other thing…
Since I got into GTD my wife is been kind of critic about it, she do not believe in organization, projects or anything, she almost never write things down, uses a palm for phones and some other things but even that many times she forgot to do what she has in the palm; but she is been really critic about GTD. Despite the fact that I give her the book to read (she start, said did not like it, and never finish the book) she is have been criticizing the system and my approach to the system, according to her since I got into this cult (she called GTD a cult) I have been losing my ability to free think, she hates that if we are going to talk I have a list of issues or worse than that that I get pen and paper to talk in order for me to capture things.
In a worse case, now she is getting into read my list and make negative comments, about it, get my someday/maybe list and almost laugh. This make me really mad, and was part of this big crisis, I was really worried about my system before she got into my palm and make negatives comments about everything, why this, you are not going to do that, etc, etc ,etc…
I imagine I am not the only one, that received strong criticism about GTD, the system their unique system, I do not want to ask her to do not get into my list, I have been trying to explain her how the system works in order for her to understand what I do, I also explain to her that we are different, but for her is just that I have lost my mind, I cannot get any free time, I need pen and paper to live…
Any Ideas, comments…
08-01-2004, 05:56 PM
Apinaud - I'm not a psycologist, nor do I play one on TV but I have to agree with Coz. The tip off for me is that she is attacking your dreams, visions, and goals (i.e. your someday/maybe list). From what little bit you've told us this sounds quite personal.
As far as having to keep pen and paper to take down notes and next actions, you may want to lighten up with that. It has been my expereince that women hate to feel like they are a "project". This may be how she feels. There is a time to have discusions with notes and there is a time to just hang out together. The fact that you have everything else in your life organized and under control should allow you to enjoy your time with her that much more since you know what you aren't doing and you've decided that sharing (not spending) time with her is the most important thing for that moment.
In the GTD Fast CDs David says that he and his wife do "nothing" better than anyone else they know. I think that the quote was, "When we schmooze, we schmooze!" Maybe you need some good schmoozing time without notes. Just enjoy each other, man!
08-01-2004, 07:04 PM
I agree with the previous two posts, and would add that some people just won't accept the discipline & organization that GTD done right requires.
We're not all the same, and when we discover something we think is great it is disappointing to realize that not everybody around us has the same enthusiasm for this new tool. However, we need to remember that they (even one's spouse) have just as much right to reject organizing around this method as we have to adopt it - that's life.
(I sneak out my Palm from time-to-time to jot something down, but I have a feeling that my wife would object to me sitting down with list, pen, and paper any time we were going to discuss something)
08-01-2004, 07:10 PM
I could be way off base on this but here goes. I'm not a psychologist. I'm a woman speaking from personal experience. A woman can get a little "weird" when her man gets taken with something other than her. She feels out of control. She just needs to be reminded that she and rest of the family are still the center of the man's universe. :wink:
I agree with the previous posters, let go of some of the stuff that really bothers her when you're around her. It's not GTD, it could be a couple of things. One, she wishes she could have something that she could get into like you did. Or else, she wants you to show the same enthusiasm towards her (and family) as you have shown towards GTD.
Personally, I feel that it's important to let GTD speak for itself through the execution of actions around the house and the ability to stay relaxed and focused.
Hope you find an answer to your situation. You should feel very good about how much progress you've made with GTD and that you have identified your dreams. I don't mean to be negative but you may face much more criticism (internal as well as external) on your road to achieving them. Most of the time I just say 'Whatever' and do this
:roll: Block out the noise and use GTD (if that's your tool of choice) to stay focused and relaxed as you move through the process. Good luck.
08-01-2004, 07:31 PM
How about one more Woman response? Apinaud, you posted that you lost your job, so I am assuming that you are still unemployed.
It could be that your wife is anxious about the situation. Perhaps she believes you should be job-hunting instead of spending time improving your approach to GTD. Anxious, frightened people sometimes attack on any front rather than discussing what is really on their minds. (A friend calls that the "shotgun approach.")
I remember that you were trying to persuade her to try GTD. Let it be. It works for you, and for that be thankful. If her attacks are new, maybe she is just scared. If she has been critical of you for quite some time, I agree that maybe some joint counseling could help.
08-02-2004, 10:38 AM
I really appreciate everybody feedback...
Last night after I wrote the email, I decided that I need to have a serious conversation with her, print the message and I showed to her...
At the begining was no nice, but i told her to try to have a conversation about it, and about her and my feelings...
Well in fact GTD was not the issue, a couple of open loops, fear, stress because of my job search, our Religious Wedding (she was looking that issue in my someday maybe list... was not there... uppps), and also she feels that I am in the computer too much when she gets home, before was ok, but now she said I have all day in the computer and she wants me to pay attention and take care of her when she gets home...
In words of David Allen we had one of the best 40.000 conversation we ever had, after 2 hours talking we even open a bottle of wine. No paper, no pen, just talk... I hope I can remember many things today... if not I hope I can capture those when they came the second time around...
I really appreciate the feedback, I really need to get out of the problem to see the issues... Sorry to expose my problems in the forum, but I need to get into someplace... I hope me and my wife can have more of this greats 40000 conversations more often... and she was right... sometimes we just need 40000 conversations no matter if we lose the details in the way...
08-02-2004, 10:47 AM
I have a suggestion.
I assume the Religous Wedding is now on the "someday/maybe" list (it sure better be there). If you precede it with the letters "AAA" then it will always stay at the top of the list. This might be a very wise move at several levels..
08-02-2004, 11:27 AM
this may sound weird but FLYLADY at www.flylady.com has a lot to say about other people's criticism.........You might read some of what she has written........
But like someone said, the best way to handle your wife's criticism about GTD , IMHO, is to say nothing about it and let actions speak for themselves.
Some People don't like change, even if it is for good, and will try to stop it any way they can............This is from personal family experience....Just know deep inside that you are doing the right thing and let your actions speak for yourself. Just pretend it is a very special surprise that you are preparing for her, and that you are trying to keep it a secret........
This is just my humble opinion, because I am not a psychologist....
But let us know how it is going, okay? Talking with sympathetic others is the best way to get over the hurt family can cause.
08-03-2004, 12:38 AM
The criticism is sometimes discouraging. Esp. people who are on some kind of self-improvement track (most of the time) do have to face this onslaught. Since your wife has seen you improve a bit (on some earlier self improvement effort) and then seen you back to your old ways she thinks anything you start is the latest fad and may not last long. She 'knows' that the latest love of 'hubby dear' is just infatuation and he will be back on the old track.
This is a very heavy luggage to carry. But there is nothing (except the very drastic step) you can do but to tolerate her and prove that she was wrong. It becomes all the more important that you succeed in GTD, and maybe get her on the bandwagon.
All the best.
08-03-2004, 09:32 PM
Personally I've resisted the temptation to proselytize GTD, or even mention it unless asked, for a couple of reasons. First, hearing friends and co-workers knowing nothing about GTD ask me "What's gotten into you?" regarding the upshot in my productivity is a more reliable benchmark than hearing my own rhetoric. Second, constantly offering unsolicited advice can hurt your credibility more than it enhances it.
But the most important reason is to observe others (esp. in the workplace) as a pre-GTD "control group" to compare and contrast with my new workflow methodology. It's become painful to watch how everyone in my office allows incoming work to pile up and fester as "stuff": actions that could've have been easily executed within two minutes, scattered paperwork, constant memory leaks in unnecessary mental notes. It's always easier to spot and learn from other people's mistakes than your own, so you might as well look at their resistance to methodology as a free education for yourself instead of trying to save the world.