View Full Version : Don't feel inspired to do @Home actions
Not sure if that's GTD issue but when at home (@Home) I don't feel like doing anything. On weekdays it could be low energy after hard work day. And on weekends just don't want to look at my lists to make sure I have some good rest for the upcoming week. I don't feel inspired to do anything untill it's really needed to be done. Any tricks or ideas on how to make myself doing @Home?
SpoonFed
05-31-2009, 03:04 AM
I'm trying to work my way through this as well. I'm partly trying to deal with it holistically (I've always been an insomniac, so I'm trying to regulate my sleep patterns for better energy levels and so that I get to work earlier and leave earlier, ultimately creating a cycle where I go to sleep earlier) but that may not apply to you. My job's pretty mentally exhausting, so I'll probably always battle against being tired in the evenings.
I've created @homebraindead and @workbraindead contexts, and my home braindead context includes mostly things that I can do while watching television in the evenings: paper filing, electronic file maintenance (I'm an editor, so I have tens of thousands of files and I change hundreds of them daily; this is a work item that I can do at home thanks to Dropbox), mp3 tagging (I have about 150GB of music & audiobooks), etc. This helps me to slowly whittle down these large projects that don't take a lot of mental or physical energy.
This does leave a lot of household chores behind, though. This is the part that I'm still struggling with. Most advice on these kinds of things suggest doing just 15 to 30 minutes every day so that it never builds up. I find that difficult to stick to on nights when I get home at 8pm, so I don't know what to suggest to help. Maybe someone else will have some good advice!
sdann
05-31-2009, 06:44 AM
You may want to look at the purpose of why you should be completing your @home activities. "Maintain property value" or "increase my property value" or "live in a more stress-free environment" or "keep a safe home for my child" are all really legitimate reasons for even just doing 15 minutes a day. Sometimes just the mundane aspect of a task can make us forget why we need to do them.
If 15 minutes a day doesn't work for you, make it 5 minutes. Focus on the same room of the house every day for a week. And try doing it in the morning before you're too tired and have too much time to think about it.
Even 5 minutes a day makes a big difference over time. Set a timer and just go (tick, tick, DING!) Tidy and clean when you can at other times during the week. I think most people, when faced with a dirty house and a big cleaning day, will build up plenty of resistance and then the guilt sets it.
Nothing is worth that much anguish. Maybe your house will still be dirty for awhile, but eventually you'll get there.
kewms
05-31-2009, 08:10 AM
If the house is really a disaster, it might be worth the money to have a housekeeping service come in. They'll reset you to "clean house," and from there things will be much easier to maintain.
For that matter, if you can afford it, have them come in every week or two. Free up your time for the things only you can do, delegate the things that can be delegated.
Katherine
I have a lady looking after my house and the garden daily. I don't speak about taking care of the house. That're things like "Connect the camera to download Dubai trip" or "Open a new electronic deposit through the internet". Those that can't be done by anyone but me personally and have nothing with the house care.
Well aren't you lucky to have daily help!
We all have things we hate doing or have no energy for. I find I have a great deal of success setting a timer (my normal block of time is 25 minutes) and just doing it!
Dan Owen
05-31-2009, 06:03 PM
What are you doing instead of the things you "want" to be doing? Are the things you're actually doing on a list somewhere?
sdann
06-01-2009, 06:13 AM
I have a lady looking after my house and the garden daily. I don't speak about taking care of the house. That're things like "Connect the camera to download Dubai trip" or "Open a new electronic deposit through the internet". Those that can't be done by anyone but me personally and have nothing with the house care.
You can still assign a purpose to those - "relive wonderful memories", for example. Use purposes that motivate you; mine are examples. Another motivator is a reward afterwards. Barring that, just do it, as Barb put perfectly.
I prefer to watch TV, check this forum, eat something excess, read something - anything but not the thing I have to do. Do it sounds like a work :)
Linada
06-01-2009, 08:25 AM
What would happen if you put watch TV, read book, etc on your list? Would you not do them?
It sounds as if you either suffer from deep procrastination, or you are not really committed to the things on your list. If you are avoiding your vacation photos for no good reason, maybe you are not that bothered about them. Put it on someday/maybe or cancel it all together. If energy is an issue your next action might actually be doing something restorative to be able to do anything else. Put it on your list.
If everything on your list becomes something you avoid, you need to overcome that chore aversion. I'd write absolutely everything down, even as you do it, stick things on it and check them off. There is an awful lot of advice on procrastination out there, but that might be a good first aid.
Roger
06-01-2009, 02:09 PM
Excellent topic for discussion.
In my experience, I've run into this a lot. I've found it helpful to think about what's causing the friction -- why is the thing I need to do but don't want to so darn difficult?
I've actually run into this with camera downloading, as you have. For me it was that hidden first Next Action: Find dang camera cord. That was enough to put me off it. But once I recognized it was an issue, I started storing the cord in a known location, and that piece of friction went away.
Sometimes it's things after the Action -- once I've got those pictures downloaded, then I need to categorize them, crop them, upload them to Facebook, add relevant tags... blech. So learning how to be sufficiently short-sighted to only commit to the Next Action helped me, too.
Probably it's lack of motivation. It doesn't look like lack of energy (at least I can move, watch TV and have snacks :) ). Why should I download the video from the camera? No reasons I see except for "have to".
When @Work it's easier. I know that's work either I "want to" or "need to" do it. I just have to do both types. And when I get home I tend to have rest, not work. Probably that's why I try to put aside everything I "have to" do.
Do you think I should start doing "have tos"? Or just relax? I can spend the whole evening relaxing. I can though spend some time doing "have tos". What bothers me is the question: "If I spend my life in a very stupid way just relaxing and doing nothing when I get home. And that's 1/4th of my total day".
Any ideas?
Linada
06-02-2009, 03:55 AM
It's hard to get inspired to do something that doesn't connect to anything you really want.
If you are ok with not having the your holiday video to show around, don't do it. If you are ok with your finances as they are, don't open that account.
You might have hidden motivations though. Saving up for retirement, saving up to buy something nice etc. If you are having a hard time connecting mundane actions to delayed rewards like that, try visualising them in some way. A picture of what you want to buy. A day in your life when you are retired.
If you honestly can't find any reason to do something other than 'have to' 'ought to' and the like, scrap it.
Every now and then, I plan a day where the ONLY thing I will do is close my open loops. I take the longest action list, start at the oldest item, and just work down it. Then, I go on to the next list and do the same.
Usually, at the end of that day, I have either finished lots of things (not everything) OR I've renegotiated my committment to do it at all. In other words, I take it off the list.
I'm self-employed so taking a day every now and then to do this is no big deal. If I were still in the corporate world, however, I'd find this a great use of one day of PTO or vacation. It's a very freeing experience to get that much success behind you in one day. Old items left undone pull on your psyche after awhile and, for me anyway, start dragging me down. Your mileage may vary.
I decided to delete all actions from @home context and the context itself. let's check if that helps :)
ellobogrande
06-02-2009, 08:41 AM
I decided to delete all actions from @home context and the context itself. let's check if that helps :)
It might in one way that you've given yourself the opportunity to rebuild that list absent of vague and undoable stuff, but it's all going to pile back into your head to create stress and pressure. Grab your capture tool and get ready to dump it out when that happens.
Better yet, be proactive and take a pad, start at one corner of your property and examine every cubic inch and make the COMPLETE LIST of anything that does not belong where it is or the way that it is permanently. Then process that list and put the majority of those projects on Someday/Maybe. Focus on the few to which you've committed and give yourself the wins you deserve when you finish them.
"You can only feel good about what you're not doing when you know what you're not doing." -DA
I confess that I my weakest area of execution is @Home. There's lots of work that just has to be done "whenever". There's also home improvement work that I'm not totally comfortable with so it's easy to put it off in favor of something I know I can handle immediately and successfully. That list also tends to grow larger than any other list.
I made a post (http://www.davidco.com/forum/showpost.php?p=64605&postcount=4) about priority decisions and long lists that might offer you some additional advice in dealing with a big action list.
Good luck,
Luke
Roger
06-02-2009, 09:35 AM
I decided to delete all actions from @home context and the context itself. let's check if that helps.
Bold! Please let us know how it turns out for you.
TesTeq
06-02-2009, 10:32 AM
I decided to delete all actions from @home context and the context itself. let's check if that helps :)
Hmmm... Now you need a good real estate broker. Selling your home will set you free of guilt and stress...
This is one of the most interesting threads on this forum in years, but I am short on time today and will come back with my insights tomorrow. In fact, I am bookmarking this page and creating a Next Action in my @computer list (Actually a task in Things (my GTD program of choice on both my computer and my iPhone) under Next with "computer" tag. :)
Dan Owen
06-03-2009, 06:03 PM
What would a successful outcome look like?
And, if you're motivated at work by "want to" and "need to" but not at home by "have to," what meaning do these statements really have, as a practical matter? You clearly don't actually "have to," since you're surviving the consequences of not doing it. "Wanting to" at work is sufficient, but "wanting to" at home isn't -- what's behind that?
As Merlin Mann pointed out recently, the thing you're actually do is always your real priority. Identifying a priority that you're not willing to do tells you that it's not actually a priority.
What bothers me is the question: "If I spend my life in a very stupid way just relaxing and doing nothing when I get home. And that's 1/4th of my total day".
Are you asking how you can motivate yourself to do something you don't want to do? Can you articulate why you want to do it? Why is the outcome important? What is the consequence of not achieving that outcome? Is that consequence really a problem for you? Is there a benefit that outweighs the cost of that outcome?
You've deleted the list: are you happy with the outcome?
sdann
06-04-2009, 06:06 AM
One problem with deleting the @home context and not replacing it with a context that is more motivating, is that the tasks will still be there. Either they're in the new context, pushed back to the someday/maybe or floating around in your head. The list will just grow too if you don't take care of these things. They are obviously of some value to you if you are in a quandary about completing them. Kul, you may want to answer some of the questions posed in this thread or in the book.
i've left only 2 actions on my @home list now. both of them are "have to". Let's check if I do them in the near future (i have lots of time at home as you know but don't use it). now is a free slot and i'm here, at the forum. next thing is going to be dinner with family. after that i'd like to read before bed to come down. no time for the list today again...
ext555
06-04-2009, 09:05 AM
You may want to pick up a copy of David Allen's latest book " Making it all work " I got a lot of fresh insight into why I wasn't doing some things I knew I needed to be doing .
I read some reviews on Amazon that said " nothing new here " but it wasn't supposed to be new , it was supposed to be "peeling the onion back to reveal more layers" as David says . It's a more insightful look at GTD.
In my case , the peeling back revealed some bigger issues that were holding me back , that I was un-consciously avoiding .
sometimes we forget that you can have the " perfect " GTD system set up , but if you don't like what's in it , it doesn't matter .
Paul, I have it. I started reading and stopped at "Why do you need to read this book?". Really. I couldn't find any reason why should I read further. Because time management is supposed to remind you of what you want to be reminded. And I have no problems here. I want to be reminded at home (@Home) to open electronic deposit. And I'm reminded. Now it's my turn to do it. David Allen of no help here :)
ext555
06-05-2009, 01:32 AM
hmmm, you need to read it because you're not doing what you " want " to be doing .. and you are correct , until you realize that , David Allen will be of no help to you .
I have found this saying to be true in my lifetime " when the student is ready , the teacher will appear " .
ellobogrande
06-05-2009, 08:49 AM
Paul, I have it. I started reading and stopped at "Why do you need to read this book?". Really. I couldn't find any reason why should I read further. Because time management is supposed to remind you of what you want to be reminded. And I have no problems here. I want to be reminded at home (@Home) to open electronic deposit. And I'm reminded. Now it's my turn to do it. David Allen of no help here :)
I've read it cover to cover. It's true that all three of DA's books cover the same material but each book does it in a different way and has different nuggets of good information that might just reinforce a concept in such a way that you truly "get it". There was a lot of explanation in the book about why these principles work and how to overcome resistance. See pages 114-118 to see if it doesn't give you food for thought that you didn't have before about outcome focusing and the fundamental thinking process.
"No matter how sophisticated we think we might be, there always seems to be one or more areas in our life and work that we tend to allow to remain unclear, causing us angst and distracting our focus." -MIAW, p118.
CoffinDodger
06-09-2009, 12:04 PM
Great thread, I also get frustrated with my behaviour towards my @home list. I've found all sorts of explanations over the years, including distraction, apathy, procrastination, fear, and others. At the end of the day, sometimes when I look at it, @home is just not a good context for me. I've had far more success trying to brainstorm ways to do these things anywhere else but home :)
Also I use the trick of setting my alarm early to get up and do it when I'm in a better state of mind before work and my family is asleep. I don't do it often but it's worked well on occasion.
I usually find I get more of an insight into my own problems by trying to figure out how to respond on threads. I've had a few revelations trying twice to write a post for here. It's what we call at work "Rubber Duck Debugging" e.g.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rubber_duck_debugging (interesting link to cognitive dissonance there.)
http://lists.ethernal.org/oldarchives/cantlug-0211/msg00174.html
Works great for me with all those things in life about which I'm sure I'm absolutely right, but for some reason don't work... if you don't feel comfortable holding a conversation with an inanimate object then you can always ask another human being to listen patiently until you go "Aww nuts nevermind I figured it out!" (just don't tell them you're pretending they're a rubber duck!)
Does anyone know where I can get hold of a rubber David Allen???:lol:
ellobogrande
06-10-2009, 10:43 AM
Does anyone know where I can get hold of a rubber David Allen???:lol:
No, but I'd like to have a David Allen Bobblehead doll for my desk :-D
Andre Kibbe
06-11-2009, 05:39 PM
The stress of a full day of work and the following commute doesn't fully register until the moment you get home, when residual fatigue kicks in. At that point, you're probably so immersed in a spell of decompression that it's hard to even look at your @Home list, let alone act on it. Reviewing the list doesn't ensure action, but it's one less emotional hurdle to jump.
The trick is to find a more strategic time to review your @Home list than at the precise moment your energy level plummets. Three options:
Make it a habit to review your @Home list right before leaving work. It's often easier to review a list when you know you can't act on it. You'll still need to review it again, when you get home, but the preliminary review "primes" you for keeping home activities in mind.
Make it a rule to review your @Home list before getting out of your car. Once you enter the house and sit down, you've broken the momentum of action that preceded it. So scan the list at least once before you're fully at rest.
For 30 days, set an alarm to review your list 30 minutes (or some other interval) after arriving home. Having an external queue to review the list helps lower the need to motivate yourself to look at it. Systems are more reliable than motivation.
Finally, take a hard look at the list and make sure that everything on it really needs to be done at home. Challenge yourself to find next actions on your @Home list with no actual "home" dependencies, ones that can be moved to another context like @Computer or @Anywhere.
RuthMcT
06-11-2009, 11:56 PM
I've found this thread very interesting because I've had similar problems. I started reading "Do It Now" which encouraged me to think about why I didn't want to do things @home.
The problem appears to be that I resent "having to" do anything at home, because I spend the whole day at work doing things that I "have do". When I come home I want to relax and enjoy myself and not be told what to do, even when it's me telling myself what to do.
This applies to both the houshold chores, and, like you, things that really aren't a chore at all - like transferring my holiday photos to the computer.
Things that have helped (and some have already been mentioned)
alternating between things I want to do and things I don't want to do (the one I want to do is my reward for doing the other)
agreeing with myself I will only do something for 5 minutes (If I haven't finished clearing up the kitchen after 5 minutes, then I MUST stop - surprising how often I decide "Oh I'll just finish this after all)
writing the list of NAs I must do this weekend on the blackboard in the kitchen, and wiping them off as they are done (amazingly satisfying)
consciously thinking about the outcome of doing or not doing, and making a conscious decision about which outcome I wish to live with for the next week (If I don't complete my income tax form by the deadline next week, I will get fined £100. Which option is least bad - paying an extra £100 or sitting down at the computer and filling the horrible thing in?)
making sure I've broken the task down into granular NA's and then only doing the first one (I liked the idea I read here about saying "Oh I'll just......" even if that is only "Oh I'll just take that jumper that needs mending downstairs".
plan a reward for a task that is causing particular problems
make a conscious decision not to do some things on the list this week. I use the blackboard for this - if it's not on the board then I'm not obliged to do it (and the "have-to" aspect goes away).
Good luck!
Ruth