Lonely

[Suelin23]

Any ideas on how to make friends and manage relationships?

[TesTeq]

Any ideas on how to make friends and manage relationships?

I don't know if it is possible to make friends and manage relationship. Can you plan it and enforce it?

I think it's all about being a good human being - good friends will magically appear in your life.

On the other hand in the "Wall Street" movie Gordon Gekko said: "If you need a friend, get a dog."

[vbampton]

Certainly from a GTD point of view, there are recurring next actions on my lists, to touch base with different people regularly.

In the rush of everyday life, it can be difficult to keep track of who you haven't spoken to recently, so a list of the most important people in my life gets reviewed in my weekly review, along with everything else.

If they've got something particular going on in their lives, that goes on the list to follow up as well, because they appreciate you 'remembering' and showing an interest.

[rideon]

Any chance to get involved in your community so you could meet like minded people who want to make a difference such as Rotary? We have made some great lifelong friends through Rotary that we might not have if connected with without it. For example, one of our friends is a physician I work with on a regular basis (I work for a hospital) but I wouldn't have sought his friendship from just a work perspective.

I would definitly make it a GTD area of focus and make your actions some projects. I also really enjoy your posts and would welcome being a virtual friend. I realize it isn't the same...

[Suelin23]

I have a dog.

I am in a group - I'm secretary of the Australian Plants Society.

I'm just a very shy person. I find talking to others difficult in group situations, even social situations with people I know I find difficult and stressful and tend to talk less than normal which isn't very much.
I tend to shy away from invites unless it feels safe.
I think these two points above mean that people tend to either not find me interesting enough to be a friend or think that I'm not interested in being a friend.
And I don't find many people that I have things in common with so that makes it hard.
A checklist for catching up with friends is a good idea. I also need help with talking to people. I think of calling, but get put off because I can't think of what to say, I feel that if I call them I should carry the conversation and so get put off and think I'll call them later and then never call. Unfortunately I didn't learn social skills as a child.

[TesTeq]

I'm just a very shy person. I find talking to others difficult in group situations, even social situations with people I know I find difficult and stressful and tend to talk less than normal which isn't very much.
I tend to shy away from invites unless it feels safe.

Today - on February 1st, 2012 - TesTeq's Anti Shyness Comitee (TASC) decided that Suelin23 is no longer a shy person. Despite the fact that it can be difficult for her she will talk to people in group situations.

Long time ago TesTeq's Anti Shyness Comitee (TASC) decided that Testeq was no longer a shy person. And it worked - even in foreign languages despite the fact that someone may laugh at the correctness of his utterance.

[Suelin23]

The Free Dictionary's definition

shy
1. Easily startled; timid.
2.
a. Drawing back from contact or familiarity with others; retiring or reserved.
b. Marked by reserve or diffidence: a shy glance.

Definitely describes me.
I went to my plants society meeting last night, first meeting back for the year since December, and I was nervous about what to say to the others. I thought about what was recommended, about genuinely caring about others. I do care about these people, I just have a bad memory, and forget details about the people. I also tend to get more forgetful when I'm nervous, and so just don't say anything because my head is completely blank. I tend to forget personal details about them, like how many kids they have and what their kids names and ages are, and these things are a good conversation starter. I thought it might be a good idea to write some of this down somewhere and read it before the meeting.

I also suffer with finding topics to talk about. My life is boring and not interesting. When I go out to lunch with work people they all talk about sports, news, restaurants, going out, events, holidays etc, all topics I know nothing about. I probably should at least pay attention to the news so I can talk about that, but I find it boring and negative a lot of the time and prefer to avoid it.

This Sunday I'm going to a Waterwatch lunch, I'm in a local group monitoring river creek water quality, and it is part of a nationwide program, so there's a big lunch for all Victorian groups. None of my group is going, so I probably won't know anyone there apart from my Waterwatch coordinator. Going to a social event knowing no-one is my idea of cruel & unusual punishment, but I'm trying to improve my skills and get out of my comfort zone.
Any tips/advice?

[artsinaction]

I thought it might be a good idea to write some of this down somewhere and read it before the meeting.

This is a great idea!

Even when I'm talking to people I'll whip out my notepad and say something like, "My memory is not what it used to be <big smile> so I need to write down your husband's name 'cuz it's important that I don't forget it!"

I think people are very positive about my doing that because it shows I'm listening and that I'm taking an interest. And I am listening, and I am interested, I just can't retain those kinds of details well.

Hope that helps.

Dena

[TesTeq]

I also suffer with finding topics to talk about. My life is boring and not interesting. When I go out to lunch with work people they all talk about sports, news, restaurants, going out, events, holidays etc, all topics I know nothing about. I probably should at least pay attention to the news so I can talk about that, but I find it boring and negative a lot of the time and prefer to avoid it.

You won't believe me but I still remember this feeling. But the opposite is equally embarrassing! Let me explain.

• At the beginning you think you've got nothing interesting to say.
• Then you gather your life experiences and you can connect something that has happened to you (or something you've heard that happened to someone) with the conversation subject. Most of the time people find it interesting because people like stories and anecdotes. The more you tell the stories the better you are at it. If something is worth doing it is worth doing poorly - at the beginning.
• Then you have at least three "standard" stories for each of the common subjects and you are constantly afraid that you've already told them to these people! So you ask all the time: "Didn't I tell you about my aunt's car accident?" But they want to hear it again and again because you've learned how to be a good story teller during all these years of training...

[TesTeq]

shy
1. Easily startled; timid.
2.
a. Drawing back from contact or familiarity with others; retiring or reserved.
b. Marked by reserve or diffidence: a shy glance.
(..)
Any tips/advice?

I found something for you - something that resonates with "The Power of Habit" book discussed currently in our book club:

I have come to believe that shyness is more a habit than a hard-wired personal quality. Similarly, confidence has always seemed like one of those ambiguous traits, like willpower or intuition, that can be practiced, exercised and strengthened, like a muscle. But just like any physical exercise, it's always hard and takes constant work. And, more importantly, constant awareness.

Read the whole article Op-Ed: Confidence vs Shyness.