Lonely

[Barb]

Suelin,
I'm not on these boards much but I've noticed you and your responses to people's questions and confusion. Your comments are always right on. And considerate. I was a bit surprised to find you lonely. A book's just come out that I find very helpful (I'm shy too). It's Quiet: The Power of Introverts: by Susan Cain.
So glad to hear your luncheon went well for you.
Dee

Interesting. I just saw that this is Amazon's most wished for book!

[TesTeq]

But I'm too shy.

Really? Do not challenge the authority of the TesTeq's Anti Shyness Comitee (TASC). I would like to remind you that:

Today - on February 1st, 2012 - TesTeq's Anti Shyness Comitee (TASC) decided that Suelin23 is no longer a shy person. Despite the fact that it can be difficult for her she will talk to people in group situations.

Long time ago TesTeq's Anti Shyness Comitee (TASC) decided that Testeq was no longer a shy person. And it worked - even in foreign languages despite the fact that someone may laugh at the correctness of his utterance.

And seriously - I strongly believe in the power of words and mantras. It's unproductive to constantly repeat "I'm too shy." Please do not do it.

I have an excercise for you. At least once per day try to determine the color of the eyes of a stranger. Nothing more - just look to see the color.

[TesTeq]

shy
1. Easily startled; timid.
2.
a. Drawing back from contact or familiarity with others; retiring or reserved.
b. Marked by reserve or diffidence: a shy glance.
(..)
Any tips/advice?

I found something for you - something that resonates with "The Power of Habit" book discussed currently in our book club:

I have come to believe that shyness is more a habit than a hard-wired personal quality. Similarly, confidence has always seemed like one of those ambiguous traits, like willpower or intuition, that can be practiced, exercised and strengthened, like a muscle. But just like any physical exercise, it's always hard and takes constant work. And, more importantly, constant awareness.

Read the whole article Op-Ed: Confidence vs Shyness.

[artsinaction]

I found something for you - something that resonates with "The Power of Habit" book discussed currently in our book club:

That's so cool, Tes! I thought of her, too, when I read that! I'm so glad you posted it!

Dena

[Suelin23]

Good article TesTeq, and it also rings true. There's a lot of excuses I make up to avoid interacting with others, like I'm not sure if they really like me, I wouldn't have anything to say, I've forgotten so much about them it would be embarrassing to call an old friend. But at the end of the day it just takes willpower to overcome those urges, a project plan and next action to get moving on something I'm procrastinating on.
I think it would be good to compile reference info on my friends or people, so I can review details like their partner's names, what they do for a job etc so I don't embarrass myself by forgetting stuff about them. That would give me more confidence.

[billjw]

Hi Suelin23

As you are in Melbourne I thought it might be worthwhile to bring up the course Crucial Conversations.
I know the facilitator who is associated with the company I work for but is also an independent contractor.
It might be worth investigating this as it helps with tough conversations and might assist in the shyness dept (which you are no longer associated with. )

Anyway, not trying to sell it to you, just letting you know it might help. All our managers are doing it to assist in their leadership skills etc. People always come away getting benefit from it.

Cheers

Bill

[CJSullivan]

I have an excercise for you. At least once per day try to determine the color of the eyes of a stranger. Nothing more - just look to see the color.

I REALLY like this. For the obvious reason that it forces one to make eye contact with someone else, thereby bringing one out of one's interior focus. I also like it because when I think about it, I so very rarely remember the colour of someone's eyes (for instance, people I work with but don't know that well - and even people I know well). Don't know what that says about my interior focus or lack of observation skills, but it's a great little trick that I shall start practicing right away (even though I'm not particularly shy...anymore).

It's also pretty non-threatening. "Noticing" is something that's pretty safe and easy to commit to, and can no doubt become a "keystone habit" (ref. "The Power of Habit") that leads to more and more connection with others!

[Suelin23]

I thought it might be worthwhile to bring up the course Crucial Conversations.

Thanks! looks like a great course, and the agenda of the training course seems to cover everything I need to know. This will really help things go better at work, which I have been struggling a lot with

[billjw]

I REALLY like this. For the obvious reason that it forces one to make eye contact with someone else, thereby bringing one out of one's interior focus. I also like it because when I think about it, I so very rarely remember the colour of someone's eyes (for instance, people I work with but don't know that well - and even people I know well). Don't know what that says about my interior focus or lack of observation skills, but it's a great little trick that I shall start practicing right away (even though I'm not particularly shy...anymore).

It's also pretty non-threatening. "Noticing" is something that's pretty safe and easy to commit to, and can no doubt become a "keystone habit" (ref. "The Power of Habit") that leads to more and more connection with others!

A small but significant step to being more engaged. And you can have some fun with it too. Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best. It's like climbing a mountain. The higher you get the better the view and the view will always change.

[PeterW]

I have an excercise for you. At least once per day try to determine the color of the eyes of a stranger. Nothing more - just look to see the color.

I REALLY like this. For the obvious reason that it forces one to make eye contact with someone else, thereby bringing one out of one's interior focus.

Me too! I am going to start doing this today at the office, not with strangers but people I work with.