How do you deal with distant, sporadic agendas?

[vic_lh]

I have a friend with whom I meet about at least two months or longer. Last week we saw each other, and I promised him to borrow him a book next time we get to see each other.

I wonder what's the most effortless way to keep that commitment: It is not an item I need to review week after week in the weekly review, but if I put it on a list 'things to remember for next time I see him', and as our meetings are usually unexpected, I should remember that my friend belongs to the category of 'there is a list I have to consult before meeting him'. That list sometimes exists, but other times would not be necessary -nothing pending from our previous meeting-, so the habit of checking it is difficult to create.

How would you go about managing a commitment of this kind?

[S-Tolland]

Do you have a tickler file or calendar that you could add a note to that would remind you in approx. 4-6 weeks time? I often put reminders as all day events in outlook. By that point you may find you have a date scheduled for meeting your friend and you could add the reminder to the appointment. If it is a very ad hoc, spur of the moment meeting then I'm not sure what I would suggest!

[vbampton]

It is not an item I need to review week after week in the weekly review [...] so the habit of checking it is difficult to create.

Perhaps reviewing it on your list in your weekly review every week would help engrain it in your memory?

[mcgeek]

This is a great question and I am happy to share how I approach this.

If this is someone I know I would DEFINITELY see once a month but don't necessarily have a set time, I would make them a part of my @Agendas list. Anytime something popped up that I know I would want to share with them, I would add it to my agenda list for that specific person. In my system, various people are my subcategory for @Agenda, so it looks sort of like this:

Agendas:

Kelly
-Go over ideas for next year
-Discuss technical support sequence
-Share testimonial from Bob

Mary
-Ask if she has any new angles on marketing

A Weekly Review will keep you present with this @Agenda list, so when you are a week out from meeting up with this person and you do your review, at that time you will be reminded to bring the book the following week.

Now, if this was someone I know I was going to see at a set date, and it was in my calendar, then I might put a reminder right into my calendar entry:

e.g: "Meet with Mary for coffee- bring book she wanted to borrow"

If you are checking your calendar every day (i.e. your "hard landscape"), then this should be a sure fire way to be reminded.

Another option is to put a reminder in my tickler file. I have a digital tickler through e-Productivity, so it will pop up on a specific date if I so choose. So if I know I am seeing that person on a specific day, I would enter a tickler for that date that says "Don't forget book for Mary."

Those are just a few ways that work well for me. See if any of those resonate and figure out how it would be most 'attractive' for you to remember.

Hope that helps!

[artsinaction]

If I say to someone, or if they say to me, "Next time I see you, we'll ______." there's always a doubt that it will actually happen. Time passes, situations change. What was applicable at the time may no longer apply. So, I don't like to wait until the next time. I'm more likely to throw the book in the mail, or buy and send a copy they can keep (especially if it's Getting Things Done ). It's extra effort, but it gets it out of your system sooner. And there's really no downside to being that proactive.

[Barb]

If I say to someone, or if they say to me, "Next time I see you, we'll ______." there's always a doubt that it will actually happen. Time passes, situations change. What was applicable at the time may no longer apply. So, I don't like to wait until the next time. I'm more likely to throw the book in the mail, or buy and send a copy they can keep (especially if it's Getting Things Done ). It's extra effort, but it gets it out of your system sooner. And there's really no downside to being that proactive.

My system was once totally clogged with stuff like that...or the infamous "let's have lunch" (I'd add to my list, call so-and-so for lunch date). Now, unless that person is really important to me, I say, "sure, give me a call" and forget it. SO many people make little promises, want to do this or that, and I was more than willing to own it. Not anymore.

But if I do say I'm going to do something, I do it--right away.

[Solyanov2011]

But if I do say I'm going to do something, I do it--right away.

Barb, what do you mean by do it right away? You mean you do the latest and loudest?

[Barb]

Barb, what do you mean by do it right away? You mean you do the latest and loudest?

I mean: For instance, if I'm with someone and I say I'm going to call them for lunch I'm going to word it like this:

"I'd really like to have lunch with you soon. You would too? Great. I don't have my calendar with me. I'll send you an email within the next 48 hours with a few suggested dates."

and I do just that. Open-ended, may happen/may not happen things just clutter my system and feel like things that need decisions. So I make them happen.

But some people throw out what I call "Hollywood invitations": "We must get together soon", "we'd love to have you come over for a drink", and "let's have lunch soon" are great examples of things people say, just in conversation and almost automatically, that they have no commitment to actually follow through on. I'm surely not going to put something like that on my waiting for list. But if I really want something to happen with that person, I'll take the lead and follow through right away.

Make sense now?