Quote Originally Posted by cwoodgold View Post
Some of the techniques I use are from Thomas Gordon's "Effectiveness Training" system, as described in books such as "Leader Effectiveness Training" by Thomas Gordon or "Effectiveness Training for Women" by Linda Adams. If you want to use those techniques it might be better to
practice them in interactions with family and friends first and/or learn them by reading a whole book or taking a course rather than suddenly trying a technique in a critical situation such as interaction with your boss when you're not used to using them. I find these techniques indispensible (e.g. Active Listening, I-messages and Switching Gears).

When he says "When? WHEN?" you can do Active Listening. That means using empathy and trying to understand how he feels, his point of view and what his underlying message is, encouraging him to express his message in more detail, and showing that you understand. In Active Listening you need to read his tone of voice and body language, not just his words.
I don't believe in changing adult people's behaviors except for traumatic events. And trying to change your boss's behavior is often a very bad approach based on expectations that will never come true. I think that some relationships will never work so there is no use to try to fix them.