I think you're in the right spot to start changing this because you recognise the problem. What I have found helpful is finding a word or phrase that you start to think when the situation arises. If a colleague tells you something designed to pass you the stress ball, think that thought. When you're working late and suddenly catch that you're doing it because of an unreasonable expectation or stress ball, think that thought. When you get home and find that you're not engaged in the conversation because you're thinking about work, think that thought.
Eventually you'll see that you're catching more of those circumstances, and think that thought waaaayyy to often, and you'll do something about it.
A couple of the phrases I have used:
"i am only 1 woman"
"stay above the fray"