Existential Angst Alert: Beware.
I recently started a new job which I feel is both over my head and out of my field. Out of my field because I am, as I once posted here, a freewheeling creative type who grew disenchanted with the unpredicatbility of creative income so I decided to get into something more rigidly business-oriented. I'm forcing my square peg into a round hole; I break out in hives when I look at forms and contracts and now my job is 60 percent about looking at forms and contracts. Am I destined to fail? I don't know. Am I destined to be found out as the wrong man for the job? I wonder. And yet, there is a mehtod to my madness and that is I believe that many creative people (apart from a select few who benefit from circumstance) are so ungrounded that whatever their level of talent, they will always teeter on the edge of insolvency because even pure "creative" success today means understanding business and contracts. My heyday of pure creative success was, thus, unmanaged and unplanned so that I whiled away some fat years unprepared for how to navigate the leans ones. So, this is a fascinating process - I am determined to succeed in this diametrically-opposite universe, daunted though I may feel. I suppose I could call this a project; I wouldn't know what to name it. The other aspect -- in over my head -- means that I am terrified of asking for information for fear of revealing my ignorance. So my "next actions" -- find out what term x means, find out how to use database --go unacted upon. If I don't act, I will certainly founder; if I do, I may have a chance of succeeding, but I still have top break through that fear that someone will think, "Does this guy know anything?"